This envy

envyIt spreads through my veins, like a disease.
Why can’t I have that? I ask.
That isn’t fair.
But it’s perfectly fair.
Why can I not convince myself
to agree with others
who are better than me
to like them

Instead I am jealous of them
The blonde pretty ones
The nerdy smart ones
The beautiful
girls I see on tv shows
The amazing writers on Wattpad

I cannot breathe.
It overtakes me.
And I hate it.
But I cannot live without it.

My envy fuels me
to be someone I’m not
to be something better.
to be my best self.
Someone I wish I could be all the time.

My envy keeps me

It makes me feel like
I need to rip my heart out
but at the same time,
do better in everything
because I know.
I know that someday
I will be at the top
And I won’t feel it anymore.

This envy.


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